How do you handle dealing with something you see but another
does not? Not only does another not see what is so painfully obvious, but you
are invested in this person not seeing what is so painfully obvious with unconditional
love. To say the least, this is an unsettling situation.
What adds to this difficult scenario of not seeing what is
so painfully obvious is that this one so loved does not want to hear what is so
painfully obvious. Blinded by false beliefs and impressions, disillusioned by
what is thought to be how things should be, the obvious is not ignored, it is
not even recognized.
What becomes painfully aware is the impending doom. There is
no cure, no improvement, no getting better, no “all is forgiven”. There can’t
be! Too much damage has been done! There never will be any “turning back”
regardless of how badly this one wants it to be.
Life is an interesting “game”. Regardless of how much we try
to manipulate, life will run its course ever so perfectly and yet ever so painfully.
The tools of life we are given to recognize and cope with the hand dealt, and
yet just as in “high stakes poker”, one needs to know when to fold and cut one’s
loses.
When dealing with others battling addictions, the one living
the addiction is the last to see, the last to admit there is even a problem.
Experts claim a “hitting rock bottom” needs to happen to reach a point of
accepting there is a problem. Until that happens there is little that can be
done by those on the outside looking in, so wanting to help, so wanting to ease
the pain.
Go back to the opening question. There are no easy answers
other than to be there, to support, to encourage, and to love unconditionally. In the end each must play their own hand.
It was shared with me recently by a person of great character and wisdom the value of investing all
there is into the quality of time called life. There is nothing worse than cheapening
this “gift” with phony and false relationships.
In this Facebook age
of feeling there is something of value in claiming hundreds upon hundreds of
people as “Friends”, as was shared with me, “I would rather have 20 quality
relationships I truly know are friends.”
In life and in
relationships, there is always greater value in quality over quantity.
The tough part with the addicted person/alcoholic, is that most times, a "tough love" must be incorporated: no enabling, no lecturing, and sometimes having to cut the person off/out to help speed that bottoming out. It's a bear to do, to watch and not fun to be the one cut off, but it is the best thing. That too is unconditional love.
ReplyDeleteMy experience has been that when the person is active in recovery, we start to see and experience the REAL person and that one also starts to learn about the person he/she was meant to be.
And indeed, the quality of any friendship is at heart, the definition of friendship. I am amazed at the friends I have made in cyber space and have had the opportunity at some later date to meet. Great stuff.
Peace & Love.
Charley